Dear Human...(Non-Green Life Form)
Posted by 1st Chinese Herbs Guest Writer on Jul 21st 2026
Dear Human...(Non-Green Life Form)
The Funniest Customer Email We've Received in Years
One of the things I've always enjoyed about running 1st Chinese Herbs is hearing from our customers. Every day we receive emails asking thoughtful questions about herbs, sharing family recipes, telling us about traditional preparations, or simply saying hello.
Every once in a while, though, an email arrives that makes me laugh out loud.
Recently, one of our longtime customers sent me something completely unexpected. Instead of asking a question about ginseng, he imagined what an old ginseng root might say if it could write an email to the humans who keep buying it.
This is the one that he always buys: Ginseng Root
It was clever, surprisingly educational, and had me smiling from beginning to end.
After reading it, I asked if I could share it on the 1st Chinese Herbs blog.
He graciously replied, "Absolutely!"
So, with his permission—and just a few light edits for readability—I'd like to share his humorous take on life from the perspective of a very old, very opinionated ginseng root.
Enjoy!
From: A Very Old Ginseng Root
To: Every Human Who Thinks They Know Ginseng
Subject: Yes... I'm Grumpy. I've Earned It.
Dear Human,
Allow me to introduce myself. I'm a 10-year-old Panax ginseng root.
And before you say anything... Yes. I'm grumpy. I've earned it.
You see, while you've been enjoying birthdays with cake and presents, I've spent the last decade buried in the side of a mountain. Winter after winter. Summer after summer. Rain. Snow. Wind. Mud.
Tree roots stealing my space.
Rocks pressing against my sides.
Earthworms constantly asking me, "Excuse me, is this the way to the compost pile?"
After ten years of that... You'd be a little grumpy too.
When I Was Young...
Nobody paid much attention to me.
I was skinny. Smooth.
Perfectly ordinary. The rabbits ignored me. The birds ignored me.
Even the squirrels looked at me and thought, "Meh... Not Worth The Trouble"
But something funny happened as I got older.
I became slower. More twisted. More wrinkled. A little crooked.
In other words... I became distinguished.
Suddenly humans started getting excited.
One would point and say, "Look at that old root!"
Another would whisper, "Now that's beautiful."
It still makes me chuckle. You humans spend fortunes trying to get rid of wrinkles... Yet you admire mine.
Go figure.
About Those Wrinkles...
They aren't there because I skipped moisturizer. Every twist tells part of my story.
Every wrinkle represents another growing season. Another winter survived.
Another spring welcomed. Growing old isn't fashionable for most things.
For a ginseng root... It's part of our character.
Please Stop Calling Me a Potato
Honestly... This happens more than you'd think.
I've heard... "Funny carrot." "Little parsnip." "Ugly turnip."
"My favorite was "root-shaped ginger."
Excuse me? I am Panax ginseng.
I've been recognized and appreciated in traditional herbal practices for centuries.
The least you could do is learn my name.
I Have One Small Request
Actually... Five.
Please keep me dry. Humidity is wonderful for tropical vacations. Not for dried herbs.
Use an airtight container. A glass jar with a tight-fitting lid is one of my favorite homes.
Keep me away from sunlight. I'm retired. I don't need a tan.
Don't store me above your stove. Heat. Steam. Grease. That's a terrible neighborhood.
Please label the jar. You think you'll remember what I am. You won't.
Six months from now you'll pick me up, sniff the jar three times and ask,
"Honey...is this ginseng or licorice?"
I've seen it happen. Many times. More times than I would like to admit.
About My Younger Cousins...
They're nice enough. Full of enthusiasm. Lots of energy.
No life experience. You know the type. Every family has them.
I'm not saying they're bad. I'm simply saying...
When you've spent ten years patiently growing, you earn the right to tell a few stories.
Humans Fascinate Me
You rush everywhere. You microwave everything. You want every answer immediately.
Meanwhile... I've spent a decade mastering the art of doing absolutely nothing.
Perhaps that's why you've admired ginseng for so many generations.
Some things simply can't be rushed. Patience has value.
Nature works on its own schedule.
One Last Thing...
When you choose herbs... Choose them carefully.
Know what species you're buying. Know where they came from.
Buy from people who care about quality, proper identification, and careful handling.
We roots notice those things. And believe me... We appreciate it.
Well... I've been talking long enough.
Complaining is surprisingly exhausting. I'm going back to my nice cool glass jar where it's dry, dark, and peaceful. If you need me... Please knock before opening the lid.
Respectfully grumpy,
A Final Note from 1st Chinese Herbs
We hope you enjoyed this lighthearted email as much as we did.
Although our customer wrote it for fun, it contains a few practical reminders. Ginseng is traditionally appreciated for its unique appearance and careful cultivation, and like many herbs, it deserves proper storage to help preserve its natural aroma and quality.
Whether you're just beginning to explore ginseng or you've appreciated it for years, remember that every herb has a story. Sometimes those stories are found in history books.
And sometimes...
They're hidden inside a funny email from a creative customer.
Thank you, Jim, for making us laugh—and for reminding us that even a grumpy old root can brighten someone's day.